Smiling your way through the bleak midwinter

Experts tell us that January and February can be the bleakest months of the year, contrasted in many people's minds with all the excitement of the Christmas holidays, the cold, the impact of buying presents for everyone and a preponderance of coughs and colds circulating, the bleak midwinter can seem, well, a little bleak.  So here's a few tips and tricks proven to make you feel better whatever is happening in your life that is out of your control.

Top 7 tips for feeling better, whatever happens

Make time for you

Socialising, relaxation, and exercise are not luxuries; they are entirely necessary for you to carry on being your entire, fabulous self!  Notice when they are getting squeezed out by other things you tell yourself are 'more important' and shoehorn them back in.  Everything you do will benefit, and all of life will seem so much better for it.

Feel your power, focus on what you control

You will rarely, if ever, have complete control over any situation in life, so focus on what you can do.  For example, if your chosen occupation isn't what you expected, you could focus on looking for a new job or consider a career change.

Deal with stressors head-on

Avoiding what stresses you and numbing yourself temporarily with alcohol, caffeine, cake or other substances is a common but ultimately unhelpful approach.  A problem shared is a problem halved, so talk to someone you know will listen and talk through your stresses, then tackle them head-on and see how quickly so many of them become more manageable once you start doing something about them.

Prioritise

Your time and energy are precious and finite.  Focus your efforts on what will make the most difference and accept that the least important things on your ever growing list will often never get done.

Be helpful

People who help other people through activities, such as volunteering or community work, often become more resilient.  Just being helpful to other people can make you feel better.  Trying anything new - learning a new language, hobby, skill, martial art or sport - can in itself be a huge confidence booster, even if the only person you are helping is yourself.  Pushing yourself in new directions can be exciting, and the confidence that you cultivate as you grow can carry over into everything else.

Accept everything

Accept everything that arises in your mind without judgment.  Worrying about things you cannot control only makes you miserable.  We often feel stressed simply because we push away thoughts and feelings we don't want or are ashamed of.  Thoughts and feelings are like clouds blowing across the sky - they come and go and say nothing about you and are completely uncontrollable.  What can be helpful is to notice what happens to make unwelcome thoughts arise and what helps them go away, so you can help steer clear of them.  Similarly, focusing on connecting meaningfully with others and developing what gives you joy can help your mind become a kinder place.

Practice being grateful

Like everything else, gratitude takes practice, and when life feels like it is going badly, it is surprisingly challenging to name even one thing that is going well.  Psychologists call this our 'negative affect bias' - we enjoy being miserable and focus on what might harm us much more than what is going well and is lovely in our lives, leading us to tell ourselves alarming stories about how everything is beyond our control and going wrong.  It's surprising how much better you can feel if you balance this out by finding a set time each day - perhaps when you wake up and again before you go to bed - to write down three things you are grateful for, however small they might be.  A nice cup of tea that you are looking forward to in the morning, the soft and supportive bed you just got out of, being young, having a roof over your head, having your friends nearby, something that went well today... once you start, it will become much easier to think of many more things that are going well for you.  You will train your brain to notice what gives you ease and happiness as well as what is challenging, and life might just look better to you.